Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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