How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
