Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
