Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
