Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
