i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
