Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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