Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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