Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
