I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
