sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
