If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
