i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I bet he comes in French.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize