i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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