I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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