wakey wakey hands off snakey
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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