ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
