I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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