Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
