so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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