As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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