A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
