oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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