Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad