My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.