First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.