I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.