So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
