Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes