You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.