What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My liver just had a heart attack.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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