Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't judge me 👊🼠his dick just whispers my name
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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