Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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