All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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