Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
