Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
