it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
