im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
