Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
