I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
