at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
