we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
