We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
