i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
