This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
