Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
