he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
