I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
