If that was your dad, he is hot
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
