Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
