She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
