I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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