Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
