remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
