After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
