Sry I called you an 8
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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