Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
