You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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