I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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