At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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