I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
