Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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