Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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